Unemployed & Rambling: about Thursday morning

When your time comes

to stare up into the eyes of fate

ask him

for me

whether he feels compassion.

For my final words to him were a thanks

and I don’t know why.

And now it feels as though life must start again.

It was a desk job, my first one, I was there for two and half years and regretted only one day; my last. I was on site for thirty minutes. In that time I had my aspirations shattered, contrary to what other’s might say, and was essentially paid to walk out of the office without a complaint. There is no need for a Marketing Coordinator in this business anymore, para-quoting one of the lines that still rings in my head. They’re on a legal timeline now to prove themselves right otherwise the false colours sprayed over their skin will swirl and spin and flood from their chests in the wash, revealing the true nature of their words inked like veins over their sleepless eyes.

I don’t know what else to type apart from this: what the fuck do I do now?

I was stripped of dignity, of saying goodbye to my friends, of taking in the last moments of being a part of a great team. There was no send off, and only five people from my large office have bothered to reach out. I was embarrassed, hustled on by the HR representative as the rest of my once-team was ushered into a room glowing with a bright future — and if it wasn’t bright then surely they haven’t seen the silver glowing around its edges, for from here I see a challenge, a goal, a steady income.

I’d be lying if I failed to admit that my glasses fogged with tears as I jumped on my bike, glanced into the window of smiling colleagues a final time. According to my dismissers I was able to apply for the current positions running, as if the knife grinding against my shoulder blade wasn’t painful enough. Of course, I’d have to sort out some sort of resume first, and then a cover letter and then try and force my conscience out of this cloud that continues its violent coalescing in my mind. 

Maybe then I’ll apply for the Part Time Shop Assistant role currently hiring in the Northern Territory.

Photograph unsplash.com

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